Body Image

Last night I went on a walk to the park, laid on basketball court and sat there for an hour listening to music and thinking about life. I didn't make any life changing decisions but I want to be on my own and figure out who I am without the worlds influence. I've realized that I only hate my body because that is what is expected of me. I have stretch marks – those are ugly. My teeth aren't perfectly white – I better fix those. My chest is flat – let me feel self conscious. And it isn't necessarily from the media directly, it’s my friends who hear it from the media and even their friends and moms who say they aren't pretty or skinny enough or even don’t have the right shape of curves. It’s because they don’t have a perfect view of their body when I see them as beautiful that makes me worry about myself. I see them look in the mirrors and point out their small stomach and call it huge or call their normal sized thighs as ‘thunder thighs’ that makes me worry about my own huge stomach or thunder thighs. What do they think of me when they see me? What do boys think of me when I stand next to my size 2, 4 and 6 friends? Would I really care about my own look if I didn't hear from them complain about their own. I just want to get over it because I used to not care about my weight, now I think about it constantly. 

Growing Up Is Hard

          Do you remember growing up and just getting to that point where you feel like you have to make all life's decisions right now but you can barely decide what cereal to eat? That is the current situation I'm in. It's my final semester in high school and that fact itself is scaring me. Graduation is the moment I have been looking forward to since I can remember. Ordering my cap and gown (which is WAY too expensive), I am trying to find a photographer for senior pictures, I am deciding what college to go to (if I even want to go to college), and way too many other grown up decisions.
          School is preparation for your career that you are going to spend a couple decades at and then hopefully retire and live somewhere nice. I wish they taught you about all those things to get from step to step. Why can't we learn about government forms that we can't escape like taxes, mortgages, loans, 401K's, w4's, and a thousand other things. I want school to teach me that. It's like it would make life more enjoyable but it would definitely take away a majority of the stress.
          Life is all about making decisions. They may be small like what cereal to have for breakfast or what you are going to major in. Either way, they have some impact on your life that you just can't avoid. So for now I am trying my best to live in the moment but also be aware of the choices I'm making. It's a hard process but it is definitely important to Keep Calm & Carry On (yes, I still like that quote).

"May every sunrise hold more promise and every sunset hold more peace." -Anonymous 

I found this quote and I absolutely love it. I've tried to have more peace in my life this new year and it has been really hard. I've realized that the older you get, the more stress and worries you have. I've also learned that it isn't always a negative thing. Learn to take that stress and find a way to get rid of it and use that energy for something positive. This has been my unofficial resolution this year and it has been difficult. I am a person who worries for no reason all the time and I tend to over analyze simple things. I realize when I wake up think of the positive things I could do that day and the many things I can achieve, the whole day looks a lot brighter. I also try to be at peace with what I have done that day and what I have planned for the future. This hasn't been an easy thing to day but it has really helped me become happier and more relaxed. So remember to think of the promise the new day brings and be at peace at the closing of that day.