Last night I went on a walk to the park, laid on basketball
court and sat there for an hour listening to music and thinking about life. I
didn't make any life changing decisions but I want to be on my own and figure
out who I am without the worlds influence. I've realized that I only hate my
body because that is what is expected of me. I have stretch marks – those are
ugly. My teeth aren't perfectly white – I better fix those. My chest is flat –
let me feel self conscious. And it isn't necessarily from the media directly,
it’s my friends who hear it from the media and even their friends and moms who
say they aren't pretty or skinny enough or even don’t have the right shape of
curves. It’s because they don’t have a perfect view of their body when I see
them as beautiful that makes me worry about myself. I see them look in the
mirrors and point out their small stomach and call it huge or call their normal
sized thighs as ‘thunder thighs’ that makes me worry about my own huge stomach
or thunder thighs. What do they think of me when they see me? What do boys
think of me when I stand next to my size 2, 4 and 6 friends? Would I really
care about my own look if I didn't hear from them complain about their own. I
just want to get over it because I used to not care about my weight, now I
think about it constantly.
